You must have waited for someone you were about to meet at
some time? For once, we all must have. How does it feel? For the first ten to
fifteen minutes you’d be busy with your smartphone playing games, chatting or
just reviewing your facebook news feed, and it would be fine. For the next ten
minute you’d be bored of your smartphone and would begin to feel awkward
waiting for someone sitting at a place all alone. After this half an hour,
you’d start to lose your patience, you’d
text your friend to know about where he has reached. And if he doesn’t
pick up, you’d become restless, but you’d still wait considering your plans,
after the next ten minutes, you’d think what an idiot you were to get ready and
reach the decided place before or on time. you’d want your friend to come,
because you’ve made enough of a fool out of yourself. You’d decide to call him
this time, your tone changes, you’d be irritated and not in the mood to listen
to any excuses and definitely not wait any further. Your friend tells you that
he’s reaching in a minute, it’d somehow relieve you. But does that one hour
that you spent alone, can that be returned? Can the void that you felt while
waiting, be filled by anyone/anything but your friend himself?
Imagine waiting for someone, who’s never going to come, for
an indefinite period of time.
Does it give you chills? It should.
When you know something is never going to be yours, when you
know someone is never going to be yours, but you don’ want to accept it. When
you have lost all hope, but the wait just seem to be over. You know what’s the
worst part about waiting? It’s the wait. You don’t even know if the person is
ever going to come back to you. You want them to, but that’s not how it goes.
They’ll come if and when they have to. or they just might not! That’s the part
that scares you the most, isn’t it?
They never asked you to wait for them, but you do, every
day, each day of your life. You’d spend each day as if it has no meaning.
Everything without them seems so empty, so worthless and bland. They’re the
only person who can make you laugh.
At first it appears as a cakewalk! “Ah! Waiting? That’s
quite easy. It’ll pass” HELL NO! each day leaves you more and more empty, each
day you break inside a little, each day you die inside a little. Your heart
says, “go text him, you silly girl!”, “Go and give him a hug, he’s standing
right there!”, “She’s online, initiate a conversation”. You surely want to,
every day, each second of the day, all you want is them! And then a little
voice inside you asks “Will he reply”, “How is she gonna react?” “Is he gonna
like it?” “What if this spoils everything?” As if anything is left now?
You have nothing with you, not them, not their presence, you
can’t see them, you can’t feel their presence, you can’t meet them, and you
can’t tell them what you feel. All you have are their memories. Your heart
screams from the inside; every time you read your old conversations, your hands
shake, your heartbeat fastens, and you start sweating! You become restless, you
get lost in a world of your own, where they are! You thank god for all the
beautiful dreams you have of them, for at least in your dreams you can be with
them.
But you know, what’s the worst part of waiting? You’re not
even sure if the person will ever come back to you or not. Whether they know if
you’re waiting for them or not? You want to tell them, talk to them, touch
them, hug them, kiss them, and keep them forever with you. But it’s not just
possible.
What if they have someone else in their life? The thought
just breaks you up from the inside, you sit there for days together thinking
what if it’s true. You want it to be a lie, because you know your heart will
not be able to take it. You’ll not know how to react to it, you’re waiting for them
since forever and they’re with someone else! Boom! End of your fantasy world!
You crave for their love, because they are the only person who can make you cry
and they only are one who can make you smile within a second. It kill s you from the inside to live each
day without them.
After some time, you just accept the truth, you accept it
that you’ve failed and you’re never going to get ‘em. You just give up. Because
the pain in your heart doesn’t let you live and neither does it kill you, the
burden of the memories is too much to carry and their dreams start to shock
you. With time you just get used to it. You wait for them because the love
isn’t gone. It’ll forever be there, and maybe as it was. Somehow, you just stop
reacting to the pain that it gives you. This, is the joy of waiting for someone
who is never going to come.
Ty
Waiting for you, forever and ever, my love.
